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Slain's Journal


Slain's Journal

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12 entries this month
 

23:51 Apr 30 2023
Times Read: 107


Gals, If a guy you've known for a while non-platonically, asks you what color your eyes are...

What's that mean to you?

I can tell you one thing... He hated every second of stringing that sentence together.

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Just say you don't like it, and move on, or....

13:20 Apr 18 2023
Times Read: 126


I'll never understand the hate for The Mandalorian. It's been a very fun delve into the universe from a view point not empire nor rebel. And as the show develops, the title seems to be about those who choose the creed, not just about Din Djarin specifically. I may be a huge fan of his character, two dimensional as it may be. But the show runs the danger of repetitiveness if they stick to his perspective alone. Now Bo Katan finally is progressing her goals which will benefit the Mandalorians as a whole.

The rise of the Mandalorians is definitely a great arc to focus on with various characters that are set to contribute, as well as friends made like Grogu and Jack Black's ex-empire character , and their planets aligning.

With the built up looming, seemingly undying empire threat, which clearly becomes an issue later, it's fantastic for more story. Omega is older in this timeline, so I'm dying to see where they put her and Bad Batch. Same for Cody and Rex. Ezra and Thrawn.
Sabine Wren is definitely a must.

Honestly... So many damn characters that could have had even a mention or part in the recent trilogy. Pay some type of respect to the existence of characters in the universe that took part in the war. And make some characters in the movies make some fucking sense.

Who's retail Emo Vader?
That's Kylo Ren
Who?
Leia and Hans kid
But why evil?
Oh remember Luke?
Yeah.
He's actually an absolute dumbass. Had nightmare, tried to kill Ben.
Douche-Wait, Ben Kenobi? That doesn't--
No. Leia named Kylo, Ben. Kylo is his Sith name. Yea Snoke convinced Ben the Dark side has delicious cookies.
"Oh, who tf is that?
Oh that's Snoke.
Okay. Who is he.
He's the new emperor and he--
He's in pieces is what he is!
NVM. Who cares. Plot device.
But. Hey look. New cute droid. Wheres Han s-
NEW DROID!
FINE.
Maz Katanmattakunamattata?
Oh her. That's a Wookie groupie from the same planet as Yoda, that got so high the force found HER. And gave her Luke's Bespin severed arm along with his Saber. For later. But she doesn't talk about that. Plot device work better when cladestine.
Is that a planet?
No, thats a word that- never mind.
Why's that storm trooper black?
Because fuck you and racism
Why's that storm trooper a girl?
Because fuck you and sexism
Why's that storm trooper Silver Because fuck you.
Why is that storm trooper not scared of Light Sabers?
Because fuck the fandom.
Why does Babu Frik belong in Flight of the Navigator?
Hold on I got a call...
It's the FBI... They re saying to stay right where you are. They'll be there shortly.
But--
Papatine sent them.
Wasnt he--
Oh he's back too.
Dead?
"Somehow" he came back. Along With order 69. And a side of Nazis.
What s.... That?
The Final Order Before he blows up this intergalactic drive-thru of Regret and poor merchandising. Duh.
Porgs are cut-
THEY ARE AN ABOMINATION WOOKIE SNACK

Ahem.

Mandalorian is great. Can't wait to watch more.


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05:08 Apr 17 2023
Times Read: 141


I've posted this before, I think. In light of the last post, it bares repeating.

I fight a silent battle, every waking moment. Wondering if things would be easier for my daughter if I just stop fighting to protect her. The more I try to be a part of her life the more she suffers at the hands of those few whose priorities are far from my daughter's well being. The more I make her safety and happiness my primary concern, the more she's dragged through petty, hurtful and damaging situations. Situations she is beginning to resent and I am trying my best to ease those emotions and explain to her that people are just careless at times and that she is very much loved and cared for.

I suffer as well, that is no secret. But the furthest thing from my mind is easing my pain. I just simply will breathe easily, and contently knowing that I am doing everything within my breathing power to take good care of my Littlefoot. Knowing she is safe and being treated well. Being taught properly and nurtured in a healthy way. Being taught values and behaviors that ease her way through life as well as make her a fantastic human being, as she's already showing to be. To grow and indulge in her interests and play and laugh and enjoy any and all the hobbies that she can. That is a small fraction of the things I wish for her and what I fight every day to provide her. Why anyone would be against this is beyond me.

I relate to Klaus one a few levels here. And far be it for me to drop myself down to threats and empty promises. I thought I knew anger when I was betrayed in life. I thought I knew pain and heartbreak at my partner's indiscretions. I knew nothing until I had my daughter taken from me and our time together denied and toyed with as if she were merely a pawn to cause me pain. Pain because I want to be in her life and want to raise her. The irony of the father that wants nothing to do with his kids having them thrown at him does not escape me. Alas, since it is known that it hurts to not have her, she is kept from me. Like a toy. No consideration for the implications and complications that will inevitably cause her, a living, breathing, feeling person, to deal with later on, and is already dealing with.

This has been a significant source for a deep well of sorrow and depression and consequently, anger. Watching this show has put an interesting perspective on what rage and hatred can do. There is a deepening hurt and animosity within me where my daughter is concerned. Any and all who have caused her pain, have placed her in danger and have neglected her have gained an immovable place in my heart's every portrayal of fury, acrimony, fury, enmity, ire and rage. Any and all synonyms for hate. Because all I want is for her to be safe and happy. And in feeling this hatred, I've had to swallow it... curb it. Use it for my daughters own benefit that includes letting her be near people that were reprehensibly, utterly irresponsible with her and her care, for the sake of her smiling for a few moments. So my anger, my loathing, my utter resentment of those responsible for the situations she's suffered... and is suffering, has a control. It will always have a control, for as long as my daughter's well being is my absolute goal. I jest with you not... Niklaus' uncontrollable animosity for those that hurt who he cares for... will be preferred to what I have imagined in my brooding.

My daughter's smile is like air to me. I struggle to breathe when she's sad or upset at even a sad movie scene. Her heart is enormous, her kindness incredible. She does not deserve this. Any of what she is being put through. Her eyes are my light and her hugs... are my reminder that she needs me, if for nothing else... be there for her to hug tightly whenever she needs it or wants it. Her random tackles and squeezes remind me that I have become a part of her life that she wants around. Her anger and sadness at not being able to see me... a reminder that I am of value in her life.... and that I should stop questioning my role. But when she suffers more and more due to my fight to remain in her life.... I always wonder what would be better for her.... and the answer isn't always so easy to arrive at. Yet... here I am. Unwavering. Not yet a myth...

I had a dream once.... not long after she learned to ride her bike. It was... in essence... a portrayal of all this and how it feels to me. I crashed and stumbled... slipped and skid, fell and toppled down along a seemingly endless mountainside. But I would stop... claw, reach and grasp for anything to slow my violent decent... Every time I heard something faintly echoing in the gray surrounding me... I gained strength and found a new grip. I'd slip again... and tumble further but I would hear something just slightly louder and and slow my plummeting one again... I gripped long enough to wonder what it was... I listened. Determined to figure out what it was that was filling me with the will to not let go... and just keep falling, breaking and smashing on my way down. I held tightly... not tired but weak. I listened... and finally heard it. I heard my daughter. Calling out to me. Nervously... but fully and absolutely trusting me. Depending on me... And all she was saying over and over in my dream as I heard her more clearly and closer... "Daddy! Don't let go!" I gripped tighter... and I woke. Tears in my eyes and a smile on my face from hearing my daughter say those exact words to me just a day ago, as I ran along side her the first and last time I needed to hold her to keep her balance... teaching her to ride her bike.

So I present to you, a mere glimpse of what resonates within me with every breath.


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"Daddy... Don't let go!"

04:47 Apr 17 2023
Times Read: 142


Fuck me...

Knowing I'd keep my daughter from ever feeling this... Is the only reason I fucking have left.

Jesus... You HAVE to ask, what the fuck was happening to this man, to think his little angel, who clearly adores him, would be so much better off without him. What tore him apart so much he couldn't see only her, only her eyes, her pained stare, peering back at him, asking "why? Why did you leave me?"... For the rest of her life.

But no one wonders. No one ever does. Until it's far too late.


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On a completely unrelated note........

14:56 Apr 11 2023
Times Read: 164


Larry Tesler 1973 became the most impressive writer/author in the existence of record keeping on this planet.

Can you tell me why?


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It's a glorified shortcut for those who don't want to pay or wait for artists.

14:53 Apr 11 2023
Times Read: 167


https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0p7ZyLhMgbvR27F6yPxapjE3nV7zEyz67eBkSRNhou3w1CYvMCtUxfNDyiPb9dzG6l&id=103452652495854

What in the fuck? Why is the speaker so astounded by this? All those images have been seen before, in better versions. That floating brain is a Pride flavor Metroid. C'mon! Did they hire someone utterly inexperienced in the field of" using their eyes"?!

This shit is not impressive, it's reimagined creations. Bad ones at that. High definition does not make it better or even good. Peach was imagined as a real person how many times? None of these are close to impressive. Because it's AI...


Something absolutely NOT affected by moods, or impatience, or twitchy to bad motor skills. It is not inspired by depression. Pain does not guide it's creativity. Happiness doesn't mold it's canvas. Hatred doesn't position it's portrayal of the piece it remixes. It does not CREATE. And it certainly does not interpret artistic expression, on any level.
How is lacking all of this, and taking existing art and twisting it goalessly, impressive?


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Ha!!!!! Fuck me... Lol

14:47 Apr 11 2023
Times Read: 169


"The biggest prison in the world is a home without peace. You will never find peace in a home with a narcissist."


So ummm ... Wtf do you do when you live with a narcissist that is constantly diagnosing others as narcissists the moment they do something they don't agree with? Everyone is a narcissist. Everyone needs to take accountability. But not them.
Others should apologize. But not them. They don't make mistakes. Narcissists around them are the problem. Their entire vocabulary is influenced by every word you'd readily find in any thesis regarding narcissists.

In fact, if Jareth ever met them, he'd not wonder what their basis for comparison is.

Anyway there is no peace, there's just breaks between the moments the narcissist explodes on you for daring to not agree with them. If they decide you're a soundboard for their issues they put themselves in, you're a hostage till they get tired or pissed at you for asking questions that imply you have a different point of view than they do. If so, gods help you. And you need to look inwards and be accountable for your life.

Don't defend yourself either, or the pool they bought as a gift or the internet they payed for for a time is now forfeit.





Prison doesn't cover it. Neither does hell.

Hats off to my fucking parents man.

Every time I try to take a step away from this disaster, I trip onto my face.

No therapist could crack this fucking case. You just gotta run the fuck away from it. And hope you get the fuck away.


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09:03 Apr 05 2023
Times Read: 198


BAE


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08:27 Apr 05 2023
Times Read: 204


All my gamers. Sounds off!!

All true. Especially if the game says go Left, I'm firstly and absolutely going Diagon Alley.


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07:54 Apr 05 2023
Times Read: 211


Let others choose your intimate life for you, if you want more pain than choosing on your own brings. This doesn't mean close your eyes and leap...

Rewrite The Stars - Zack Effron & Zendaya - The Greatest Showman


COMMENTS

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Mandalorian
Mandalorian
08:05 Apr 05 2023

WHAT IF WE CAN RE WRITE THE STARS I know you're wondering why.........





Mandalorian
Mandalorian
08:06 Apr 05 2023

I JUST WANT TO FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPREAD MY WINGS AND FLY.





Slain
Slain
09:00 Apr 05 2023

Thank you for that... input.





 

If...

07:30 Apr 05 2023
Times Read: 216


When we were in high school this sure was a favorite. Listening to it now, it sure can come off as budding creeper to starting stalker anthem. I mean, if she wasn't declining the whole song wouldn't exist... That said this is still a favorite just... with a lot more insight. Brutal are the lessons we learn through fire, only to selectively place our hands in the flames again.

Because the real hope resides in that someday, we'll get burned so well, that it heals us. Here's to the ashes! Cheers.

If You're Not the One - Daniel Bedingfield



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In god we crust

18:07 Apr 01 2023
Times Read: 230


"...if you love god, and you are not ashamed..."

Why say this?

Is there...

Something to be ashamed of? Is God directly associated with or done things we should be ashamed of?

I gotta know.


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